In this article we are going to talk about different ways to improve your social skills. Why is this important? If you are a shy man and want to boost your dating life, focusing on your social skills is on your favour. It is probably the most important thing you need to practice. To start a conversation with a woman you need social skills, and to stay in the conversation you need social skills as well.
These dating tips are for really shy men that have a hard time socializing with women, and want help with their dating life. If you have been shy all your life, you will not turn into an outgoing person overnight, at least not without alcohol or drugs. Quick-fixes are outside the context of this discussion. In this article we are focusing on small but successful steps, on long term and lasting success with women, dating and social skills.
To be successful with dating, you have to be good at holding conversations with women. A common problem shy men have is that they don’t know how to start talking to a woman and when they do, they get nervous and don’t know what to say, and they start feeling awkward. In this article I am going to talk about ways you can start practicing your social skills that increase your chances in successful dating.
Where to meet women
First step is to find a place where there are some women. Obviously, if there are no women around us, we can not start talking to one (except on online dating sites/apps). It can be difficult to know where to meet them except in bars, clubs and discotheques.
Not everybody likes or is comfortable in bars and clubs. Furthermore, some clubs are so loud that there is no way to have a normal conversation. However, some people like these places, which is great for them. For others there are other alternatives.
In my last blog post I mentioned a list of activities you could do to meet new people. Here is the link if you haven’t read it yet: How To Get Started
Considering where to meet women, you need to ask yourself: What kind of life are you living? Where do you live? Big city, small town or country side? Where do you work? What interests do you have? What do you like to do in your spare time? Do you have many friends?
If you live in the country side or in a really small town where there are only a few new people to meet, perhaps you can try to move to a bigger city, or travel to one close to you every second week-end. If you are living in a place where you hardly ever meet new people, your chances are close to zero to meet and date a woman or women.
Sometimes big changes in life are necessary to get where you want. If you are young, maybe you can start studying in a bigger city. Studying can also be a very good way to meet new people. Perhaps you can find a job in another city. There are a lot of possibilities, but you have to be creative.
Maybe you already live in a city with a big population, but you have a hard time finding where to meet women. What are you doing for living? Do you work in a social place or do you sit at a computer alone? Would it be possible for you to finding another job where you meet more people? Or how about having an extra job, in a coffee place for instance, or as a bartender, or a massage therapist. Wherever to get to meet new people and practice your social skills.
Be aware of that dating a colleague at work or your client is almost always a bad idea and is often even forbidden according to company policies, but it is a great way to practice your social skills on these places and to get new female friends.
Maybe there are ways you can help your community with the purpose of meeting new people. Perhaps you can get involved as a volunteer.
Travelling is also a great way to meet people. Specially by staying in hostels and going to adventure tours with other backpackers makes it really easy to meet new friends (and women) and practice your social skills.
Meeting the opposite sex through online dating sites/apps is also a great way to take. I will write about online dating later on.
Eye contact and smile
Shy persons often avoid eye contact with people they don’t know well or the-ones that they perceive as having higher status. Shy men tend doing the same with beautiful women. Not all shy men avoid eye contact, but many do. What this behavior tells about you is that you are unconfident and have a introvert and shy personality.
If you are not used to hold eye contact, you need to practice. In the beginning it can be scary but this is something you can do. So how is this done properly? You don’t just stare in her eyes. There need to be a balance between maintaining eye contact and breaking it now and then.
Holding gaze should only last four to eight seconds. Anything longer makes people feel uncomfortable, and some might perceive you as a little creepy. So after four to eight seconds it is time to break gaze and look somewhere else and come back.
(On a romantic date that is going well, you can hold longer eye contact, but even in these situations you should break the gaze every once in while)
To get better in holding eye contact, you need to practice. I suggest you think about this daily and practice with everybody you talk with at work, at the store when paying for the groceries and with your friends.
Smiling is just as important as eye contact. A real smile is gold standard. If you are happy and have a genuine real smile on your face and look at someone, he/she will most likely smile back, because a real smile is contagious.
Unfortunately, nobody is happy every day, and with a low confidence we do not smile very often. Yes it is important to smile when socializing with people. Actually it is proven that smiling makes you feel better, even a fake smile influences your emotions. So start smiling in social situations. Maybe you can think about some past experience that made you smile.
One more benefit with smiling is that it makes you feel and look less awkward even when you are quiet.
A simple exercise is to say hi to ten women every day this week. Ten women that you do not know. Just to get you going and it is a good practice. It is not too hard, just say “Hi” and that is it. It does not matter where you meet them, in the street, in the store, in the office, at the park, in the pub, in the mall, wherever you are.
It does not matter who she is, it does not have to be your dream woman, She does not need to be in your age range. Just say “Hi” to ten girls every day this week! It does not matter If they say or do not say hi back to you. Some will probably ignore you and some may even want to talk with you. Their reaction does not matter, what matters is that you take action and manage doing this exercise of saying “Hi” to ten women daily this week.
If saying “Hi” to ten women is overwhelming for you, start with five or three and increase later. The amount is not necessary important, what is important is getting started with this exercise.
Take help from a more outgoing friend
If you have friend/friends that are more outgoing and less shy than you. Hang out with him/them, go out to bars and clubs with them and let them start conversations with women and then you just have to jump in. You might even tell your friends that you are shy and you would appreciate if they helped you to get involved in the discussions. Being around them might even help you overcome shyness.
Sometimes shy people have shy friends and if this is your case, try to find some extrovert outgoing friends. Go together to places where you can meet and talk with women. Let your friend approach a couple of women and then get involved in the discussions. Also, try to watch how they approach women and learn! After a while, perhaps you can approach couple of women and invite your friends to join the discussion.
Let us review what we have been talking about today. First we covered where to meet women, if there are no women near you, there is no way to practice and improve your social skills and dating life. Hopefully you already know where to meet women, so you can start to practice to socialize with them.
Then we talked about the importance of eye contact and smile. I am sure you already know this, but it is good to be reminded, because sometimes we just forget about it when we approach women. Next we covered a very simple exercise where you just say “hi” to ten women every day for a week.
Finally, I suggested you to get help from your more outgoing friends. This can help you tremendously to get in to the “game”. If you are a shy guy who haven’t been dating for a long time, it is really important for you to get in to the socializing and dating. As I mentioned before, this is no overnight success. This may take some time and practice. It is important that you try all my tips. Some of my suggested tips you might like more than others, but at least try them all!