I wrote this blog to give you five ways to be less shy. I know you are reading this because you perceive yourself as having a problem meeting people and feeling at ease. You are not a social butterfly, but the percentage of people who suffer from initial shyness is higher than you think.
You are not the only one who feels nervous about contact with people that they do not know. However, these five ways to be less shy will help you if you try them out, realizing the difference in approach between males and females. Once you understand that, you will find no problem at all increasing your social circle and being able to approach the ladies without too much difficulty.
Try casual conversation – When you try to talk to people, you find that it’s not hard at all, provided that you keep it to small talk. The kind of subjects to broach may be as mundane as the weather. If you make this contact with the people you are comfortable with and do it regularly, you will find that it all becomes so much easier. Smile and practice looking people in the eye. It’s easy to do with family members who will want to help you overcome your shyness.
You may even have friends who understand what it is like to be shy and are willing to invite you to social functions so that you get a chance to practice. You have nothing to lose in a situation such as this, and conversation topics can be as simple as the way someone looks, the weather, sports, or the music you like. Take a hint from the circumstances you find yourself in. For example,
if you are at a picnic celebrating the end of a sporting season, then the food or the sport are obvious choices. If you are at a party and music is playing, this opens up the potential for conversation. Before you get into casual conversation, you need to get past the barriers that shy people experience when they are with strangers.
Look for the common element in the situation, as described above, and then approach someone and discuss that common element. If you don’t want to do much talking, ask questions that need in depth answers, and practice your eye contact as you listen to their response. There’s nothing better than feeling that someone is listening to you, and as a shy person, you can use this to your advantage.
Compliments are always welcome – There is nothing at all weird about telling someone that they look nice. Perhaps you think that a woman’s hairstyle really suits her or that her dress looks pretty. There are all kinds of things that you can notice, and compliments are a very welcome breath of fresh air, especially if you approach them in a casual way, and don’t come across as being out of tune with what’s going on around you.
For example, if you are in a shop and your eyes meet hers, look for something that you like and try telling her. If you approach women that you already know in order to start the ball rolling, that’s okay too. Look how women accept compliments within your circle of friends and this will help you to become more accustomed to complimenting a girl that you may not be that familiar with. “I really like your dress” isn’t rude and doesn’t have to lead to something. It can be an icebreaker. Or alternatively, you could say, “You look lost. Do you want company?”
This isn’t a compliment per say, except that you are actually showing her that she looks interesting enough to spend some time with and a woman will perceive it as a compliment. If you get a refusal, don’t worry about it. Another opportunity will knock, and a compliment can really make a difference. If you don’t believe me, try it on your mum, your sister or an aunt. Women like to feel that they have been noticed among the crowd.
Learning to be assertive – Shy men are invariably the last to say what they want, and you need to get beyond this and be sure to assert your views upon people that you know. For example, if someone offers you a coffee and you prefer tea, say so. If someone asks you if you want to go to the movies and you prefer to go skating, make your preferences known. Women love honest men, and you may be surprised that the venue they suggested or the drink they offered was their way of trying to break the ice.
The fact that you open up and talk to them telling them your preferences will be noticed and will help you to get to know someone better. There’s nothing wrong with showing your preference. For example, if you find it too loud a venue to talk to someone, ask them if they would mind talking somewhere more quiet. Let your views be known because women love a man who knows what he wants.
Try it out with work colleagues and family members before you let loose in situations where you feel shy, but if you start to show people your preferences instead of not being assertive, you will come over as a man who has an opinion, and that’s not a bad thing.
Switch off the self-criticism – You have probably become so critical of yourself that you think nothing about saying negative things to yourself. When you find yourself doing that again, ask yourself what the words would sound like if you were to say them to a friend. You may be surprised at the amount of negativity you are feeding to yourself. Instead of saying negative things to yourself, look in the mirror and be appreciative of yourself because when you have self-esteem, you are a magnet for people who are also happy in their own skin.
The Law of Attraction is something you need to take seriously. Would you be attracted to someone special while thinking all of these negative thoughts? Probably not, so why would you expect ladies to be attracted to you? If, however, you decide to be positive in your approach, you will find that this rubs off on others and makes conversation with the ladies a whole lot easier. Like attracts like.
Thus, if you are outwardly happy and confident, you are likely to meet happy and confident people. The only way you can be sure of this is by being aware of the voice inside you, which offers self-criticism and decide that you are worth more than that. Everyone is, but only those who recognize the negativity can do anything about it.
Learn to listen more than talking – Even in your home with people you know, how often do you sit down and listen to someone? Women love men who will listen so ask questions and when you get the answers, simply look the person in the eye and show that you are listening. That will mean making the right noises at the right places, but it’s worth practicing with friends so that you know you have this off pat.
When you are sitting in the canteen at work, listen to what people are saying and be sure to add the look that you are interested in what they have to say. Often shy people don’t know that people who are talking may be every bit as shy as they are. Perhaps they need that extra bit of encouragement, and by showing that you are an active listener, you open yourself up to become more empathetic toward others. That includes women.
An empathetic person really listens and imagines himself in the other person’s shoes. If a woman is explaining a problem, active listening will help you to have the time to think of an answer that isn’t glib, and that takes account of her problem. All of that time spent listening gives you a chance to breathe deeply to get rid of jitters and actually take the time to get to know her. Breathe in through the nostrils, breathe out and equalize the amount of oxygen circling in your bloodstream, and this makes you calmer and tends to settle the butterflies.
By the time it’s your turn to talk, show her how you feel and remember to show her that you listened to every word that she said. If you disagree with something someone says, be polite about it. Imagine yourself with the same problem and be empathetic. Your care in situations such as this will be noticed by the opposite sex. It shows sensitivity and sincerity, which are two of the top characteristics treasured by women!
These five ways to be less shy will help you to overcome the mental barriers that your mind throws out whenever you meet someone new. Once you learn these techniques, you can practice each one of them on people you already know so that you can practice and test them out. I know they do, and that’s why I included them as five ways to be less shy. Shyness isn’t a bad thing at all. When a woman is approached by a shy sensitive man, she will usually welcome the attention because shy people are more sensitive and caring, and that’s just what women seek.