The advantages of being shy

The Advantages of Being Shy

If you are a shy guy, you may find yourself struggling a little when it comes to the dating world; to make matters worse, it feels like the longer you struggle with your shyness the harder it is to overcome, and you can end up feeling like just giving dating up as a bad job, especially when it appears as though there are so many confident and assertive men everywhere you go.

However, don’t give up just yet, not every man has to be the life and soul of the dating world or dating app, there are a great deal of problems for a woman that can come from dating a confident and outgoing man, perhaps the kind of man you would say was the opposite of yourself, and believe it or not, by contrast, there are certainly plenty of benefits for a shy guy when it comes to dating.

So, if you are here looking for a morale boost, then be sure to read on to find out all the advantages of being shy, they might just surprise you.

1) Being Genuine

A great advantage of dating a shy guy is they are more genuine; you see, whereas a confident man will sometimes say whatever he thinks he should say, or needs to say in order to please their partner or even to seem better than they are, a shy guy will never be so artificial in his speaking. A shy man is not thinking about exaggerating a situation or a story, he is not making up a lie as he speaks, a shy man will speak the truth, a man who is too shy to be able to make up a story or a lie on the spot, is a better man indeed.

Expressing honest thoughts, and telling truthful stories is an excellent way to make a woman feel like she can trust you, and be genuine in return.

2) Showing Emotions

I can assure you that women wanting men to be big and strong all the time is a myth. Women do not need their partner to have a continuous facade of being emotionally strong no matter what the situation is, they do not want their partner to always say they are okay when they are not. Well, generally speaking, shy men are much more connected to their feelings, therefore, they are better at being able to express themselves, and boy is this an advantage.

Being with a man who insists he is perfectly fine, and completely stable all the time is tiring and can lead to a build-up of tension in the relationship, it is unfortunate that this is such commonplace in society when it is totally unnecessary. Do not feel weak if you feel like telling your partner that you had a bad day at work, or are struggling with a recent difficult problem, being able to open up is good for you, your partner and your relationship.

3) Listening

When women talk a lot it can be annoying, in the same way it can be when a man talks too much also. I think it is fair to say that it is a double standard that a man dominating a conversation and talking too much is seen as worse than if a woman does the same, there are several reasons that this may be the case, but either way, a man overtaking a conversation is rarely a positive thing.

However, when are you are talking to a shy guy, he is not thinking about when it is his turn to speak, instead, he is actually listening, responding at the right times and somehow always saying the right things. You don’t get this kind of easy conversation when a man is overconfident or super out-going, in this case, a woman will often find herself listening for the vast majority of the conversation or being talked over because the guy is becoming too extroverted.

As a shy guy, you might find yourself worrying about not talking enough, but there is no need to change, because not only does it make a woman feel like you care about her more when you genuinely listen, but because you are such a great listener, in turn, she will end up doing the same to you, and before you know it, a wonderful conversation is flowing.

4) Approachability

Shy men are much more approachable than a confident man is, and this is a huge advantage you have when you are out and about at the local bar, pub or something of the like. Some women prefer to be approached and some women prefer to be the approacher, so in the case of the latter, you are the perfect person for her to be approaching.

Believe it or not, it is not always the easiest thing in the world for a woman to go up to a man and start the introductions, and you being approachable will make this a hundred times easier for her, and it is far more likely that she will pluck up the courage to come over to you. Regardless of the setting, or the guy, women can sometimes feel intimidated by a guy approaching her, especially if he is confident, she too can feel overwhelmed or wishing the conversation could end, but you, you are perfect, you are not intimidating, and you don’t make women feel uneasy.

Even in a crowded room, it is fairly easy to spot who the shy guys are, usually, they are more reserved in their body language or fiddling with their hands or drink (none of which are an issue), so even if you are in a bar and spend the night staying right where you are because you are too shy, it doesn’t mean that all hope is lost, you may just find yourself attracting far more positive attention than you realized.

The Advantages of Being Shy

5) Humility

Not all confidence is arrogance, but all arrogance comes from too much confidence, and let’s face it, who finds arrogance attractive? I’m going to say the answer is no one; man or woman, no one wants to spend time with, much less date, a person who is arrogant.

Dating anyone who is arrogant is boring and extremely unfulfilling, no one wants to hear about how you are the best person in the office, or how you are the smartest in your family, or how you are the best at sport in the country, blah blah blah, no one cares. But there is one thing you can guarantee when it comes to shy guys, is there will not be an ounce of arrogance in their soul.

It just doesn’t happen, and it is refreshing to be with someone who has an abundance of great qualities and abilities but is humble about it; it is a massive advantage that makes shy guys seem even more attractive. There is absolutely no problem in being proud of an achievement, or telling an interesting story about something that you did, but arrogant people step over the line, they don’t seem to know when to stop, and every conversation becomes about them and how good they are compared to everyone else at just about anything, whereas shy guys say just enough to express themselves without sounding like a self-centered jerk.

6) Loyalty

Shy guys tend to be more loyal in friendships and relationships, and no woman in their right mind is going to see loyalty as a bad thing. This is a great quality, and it is one that people prioritize highly when it comes to all romantic and non-romantic relationships in their lives, because if you have a friend or a boyfriend who is not loyal then why are you going to want to continue having them in your life.

Confident men can end up believing their own hype; they often have the attention of any room that they are in whether it be at work, at a friend’s party, in the pub, or wherever else they are; but the more attention they get, the more attention they want, and then they find themselves in a competition with themselves about how much attention they can get off the girls around them, or who can they impress the most, or how many girls they can get to meet up with them on the side.

Loyalty can be lost with outgoing men, because they get too caught up in the attention they are receiving and bad things ensue, on the other hand, shy guys are the polar opposite, they are steadfast in their loyalty to the girl they like, and are much less likely to have a wandering eye, which is a massive reassurance that a woman needs from her partner, as much as a man needs it from his partner, so a shy guy will be more likely to provide a woman with the loyal and caring relationship that so many women crave.The Advantages Of being shy



7) The Mystery

In dating, women love a good chase as much as men, and as a shy guy you are a challenge, but a good challenge nonetheless. By nature, a shy man will not give much away in terms of personal feelings, thoughts, preferences, etc, and after a two-hour conversation, for example, the woman you are talking to might walk away feeling like she doesn’t really know much more about you than she did two hours ago, but all she knows is that she definitely feels like she wants to know more about you, and there you go, she wants to see you again to try and get to know you better.

You are now a mystery, she knows a little, but she wants to know more, and your reservedness can drive women crazy (in a good way!), because, after every time you are finished hanging out or speaking, you leave her wanting more. You haven’t laid your life story out on the table over a one glass of wine and a fifteen minute conversation, you have instead (even if unknowingly) said just enough to keep her interested, and leave her wanting to see you again and again, you are an enigma that needs solving, and she is just the one for the job.

8) You Are Endearing

As a man, you probably do not want to be complimented by being told you are endearing but trust us, it a great thing, and such an advantage to being shy. This one be may a big surprise to you, but endearing men make a lot of women weak at the knees.

I don’t know if there is a technical term or word for it, but seeing a shy man showing an endearing side via his words, body language or interactions with other people, has a butterflies in a woman’s stomach kind of effect, and the best part is that it never stops, every time a shy guy is endearing because he is being… well, himself, it is heartwarming every single time, women truly love it, being endearing emits a vibe that leaves a great impression on the women around you; so the next time you are told that something you have done or said is endearing, don’t take it to be a synonym of weak or delicate because it is absolutely not, rather, take it to mean that you have had a very positive effect on the compliment giver.

9) Independence

It is no surprise that shy people are a lot better at spending time on their own, in fact, in a lot of cases, shy people actually need to spend time alone to gather their thoughts and feel ready to face the world again. This is a definite advantage, especially if the woman the shy man is dating is independent and enjoys spending time with her friends at the weekend, or likes to have a drink with colleagues after work on a Friday, or enjoys the occasional weekend away to catch up with her mum.

A shy guy is the ideal guy, because everyone is a winner. Instead of asking her to come home early from drinks with friends, or asking if she doesn’t mind if he tags along on a girly spa weekend, a shy guy will be happy that she is going out and still living her life, he is not interested in keeping her inside when she wants to be social, a shy guy is perfectly happy to let her do what she needs to do, and in turn he is happy to spend some time alone at home, or pop out for a beer with a friend.

No one likes to feel like they are being controlled in a relationship, and a partner dictating when you can go out, who you can see and for how long is a massive turn off, it always leads to arguments, and it will eventually end in the break up of the relationship; so having a shy partner who takes pleasure in being alone or not needing to be at every social occasion is a huge relief, it also saves a lot of unnecessary fighting or jealousy, and as an added bonus it means that as a couple you have more things to talk about than you would if you spent too much time together.


Of course, even though there are lots of advantages of being shy, there will still be moments in your life where your shyness puts limits on you, especially in dating; even if a woman is making all the moves and saying all the right things, it doesn’t mean that you will be able to overcome your shyness every time and have the conversation or evening go how you want it to in your head, if this happens too often you might end up sinking further into yourself and making it harder for you to get out of the emotional hole that you are in.

Because of this, it is still always best to try as hard as you can to face your shyness head-on and start to work through it, or in the very least ensure it doesn’t become worse over time. There are a number of things you can do to help you start the process of dealing with your shyness, ranging from practicing your body language movements in private, forcing yourself to meet new non-romantic people, to even seeking out a therapist. But, however shy you are, or however much it has an impact on your life, it is important that when you feel that you are ready, it is a good idea to do a little research and try out different methods and recommendations to see what helps you in your journey.

Shyness isn’t a negative quality, and as you can see from the article, there are many advantages to being shy, a literal list in fact, but you definitely want to make sure that it doesn’t rule your personal and social life, especially if you are currently suffering from extreme shyness, this is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about or ashamed of, however, it is something that should be addressed sooner rather than later in order to give you the quality of life that you deserve.

If you want to have some tips about overcoming shyness please read these post on this site:

What it shyness and social anxiety system about?

Dating tips for shy men – how to get started

Practicing your social skills

If you want to improve your dating skills then you need to read this:

A Review of “Double Your Dating,” by David DeAngelo

6 thoughts on “The Advantages of Being Shy

  1. Hey!

    Wow, that is called a website. You have the solution for every social problem. If I must say, I used to had problems talking with girls and was really shy and back in the day, this could have helped me a lot. It is a big community here and I wish you a lot of success.

  2. Hi John, 

    Well this site is totally applicable to me as I am a shy man. I also am not big and strong. I see this is about being real when interacting with a woman. I like  to listen, it is hard for me to find words during a conversation, actually I feel awkward in my responses.

    This is an interesting and beneficial site, as I feel it is like a stepping stone for guys like me. I hope a lot of women will visit your site. You say you have been a shy man most of your life. Through your words you have given the shy person like myself a certain degree of confidence and I thank you for that.

    Wishing you all the best,


  3. Hi

    Great read. I have a friend that is struggling with dating. All the characteristics you describe here fits him to the last word. Although alot of girls do not appreciate these qualities, I am convinced that a shy person will find love, but it might take time. Patience will be the virtue here.

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