When you are shy, you back away from new connections because you feel socially awkward. The reason that you are reading this is that you want to know how to overcome social awkwardness and there’s no need to shy away from who you are and the way that you feel. This page was written to help you to understand the questions you may have about feeling socially awkward.
Many men ask these same questions, so during the course of this page, I will explore the areas that you can work with to overcome your social awkwardness and also touch upon the feelings that you experience that you may feel are not normal everyday feelings. You may be surprised that many men feel the same way. Here are a few of the emotions that may make you believe that you suffer from social awkwardness.
The feeling of being overwhelmed in what others see as a normal social occasion
While you may look around and see others as being better able to socialize than you are, don’t despair. Believe me when I say that many men go through not knowing how to approach women in a social situation. They are not socially inadequate but are shy and worry about topics of conversation that will not make them look foolish. They may have blurted out a joke, and no one else found it funny.
They may also have said the wrong thing and may be unfamiliar with popular topics for small talk. Don’t worry; these feelings are not confined to you alone. Did you know that the guy across the room feels the same kind of social anxiety? Believe it or not, he does and may be looking for a way to break into a conversation with someone without feeling foolish about it.
Do you ever find yourself nervous and over-compensating for your lack of social skills?
It’s very much the same kind of scenario. You are placed in a room with strangers and make an attempt to break the silence barrier, but when you do, it seems you have misread the person to whom you are talking, and they don’t find what you are saying amusing. Oops. Don’t worry. Even people who are not shy make that mistake by over-compensating for their lack of ability to mix with others. I will show you a safe way out of this predicament later on in the article.
Photo by Ethan Haddox on Unsplash
Do you find that conversations stop midstream?
When you ask yourself, “Why am I socially awkward?” what you are doing is opening up self-doubt. You may try hard to get into a conversation with someone, but you can’t make that conversation last. I can help you with that too! The rules of combat in real life are very different from those that you suppose. Your shyness stops you from taking conversations that step further and your reticence to open up may be off-putting to ladies looking for their Prince Charming. It’s okay. You don’t need to step outside of your comfort levels to get this right. The rules of combat are written below so that you will be able to make conversations flow naturally.
When you learn how to overcome your social awkwardness, you will be amazed at how simple the process was. You see, people don’t expect that much from you. Most of those expectations are in your head. When you know the rules of combat, you will be able to converse with the ladies and not feel so clumsy about it. Let’s look at what your body language says about you. That’s important because your nervousness and awkwardness will show to others and the first task you have is to make your social awkwardness a little less noticeable.
Clothes that are uncomfortable
These are a definite no-no for someone who wants to feel confident. Be sure that what you wear feels good because that helps you to feel protected to a certain extent. You won’t be fiddling with an uncomfortable tie. You won’t be trying to hide under clothing that makes you look like you have something to hide. The first trick to feeling good is looking great. Test yourself in the mirror, and if any part of your outfit feels uncomfortable, change it.
Body language in your eyes and facial features
If you have trouble keeping eye contact going because you feel socially awkward, practice until you can look someone in the eye. It shows sincerity and women love that. It shows that you don’t have any hang-ups about yourself and it shows that you are attentive. Women like to know where they are with a man and if you can keep eye contact without actually staring, you will find that it is appreciated.
There is a difference between staring, leering and only having eye contact. Practice it in the mirror and you will really see a huge difference. Women need to be treated with respect and even if your eyes are tempted to stray toward her bodily features, this is not the right time to do that. If you keep touching your face or fiddling with your hair, try to sit with your hands in your pockets because it’s a lot better than giving the impression that you are socially awkward.
You need to be able to smile naturally and appear confident when you talk to a woman. Thus, remembering to acknowledge what a woman is saying with facial expressions is good fun and shows her that you are listening. Women don’t mind men who pull funny faces, but make sure that they are appropriate to what is being said.
Body language and the way you stand
Women can find it a little hard keeping up with a man who is continually moving. Try to stand still and with your feet a little bit apart so that you can hold the stance for longer. Place your arms by your sides or even behind your back. If you fold your arms, it’s almost like telling a girl to back off. Men who keep bobbing from one foot to the next show that they are socially tricky, and it may be hard to keep a woman interested if you pursue this habit. Walk into a room where you have a full-length mirror and look at how you walk. Keep your head held high and your eyes looking straight ahead of you. Your shoulders should be held back and the movement of your body should look natural rather than a little afraid.
Avoid the Geek Excuse
There are geeks in this world who are naturally socially awkward because they are too passionate about subjects that girls may find difficult to discuss. These sorts of guys seem to be one pointed and that can be off-putting. You may even know geeks who are not doing very well in the social department, but that’s because they rarely listen to what is being said to them. Instead, their minds are too busy with their own ideas and that’s not a good way to approach a conversation.
A girl is more likely to be impressed by a sincere person than one who knows how to split an atom. For other people, I would say “be yourself” but for the socially awkward person, I would say, learn to listen and let the conversation take a natural course.
Learning to Converse
The reason why socially awkward men find it so hard to talk to a woman is that they don’t know what to say. There’s a very easy workaround for this. If you look at the questions below, these are good questions because they keep a conversation flowing.
They also give the woman the stage, so that the socially awkward man doesn’t have to work too hard to impress. The problem is that silences are caused by asking questions which have a simple “yes/no” answer. Then there’s a silent pause. However, women love to talk about their lives and about their interests, so to keep the conversation flowing, all you have to do is ask questions that require full blown answers.
- a) Do you enjoy going out at weekends and where would be your favorite venue?
- b) Do you like music and what kind of music?
- c) What was the most embarrassing moment in your life?
- d) What do you do for a living?
The thing is that keeping that conversation going means two things. You give your woman a little bit of time to open up and talk and you also get to know her a little better. Chances are that you are not as socially awkward with people you know and you are allowing her to step up and become a friend. It’s a lot easier and takes a lot of pressure off you. Often when you ask yourself, “Why am I socially awkward?” it’s that you are accustomed to a different way of being with people to what others expect. Thus, letting your lady talk helps you to settle yourself into who she is so that you no longer feel so socially awkward.
Coping with being Self-Consciousness
You know that you shake inside when you meet someone new. It doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you. You are sensitive and pick up on signals that other people don’t. Therefore, be proud of who you are because shy people go a long way to achieve success because they have such deep-rooted interests that they want to share with others. The point here is that you need to let things happen on their own by simply getting to know who shares the same passions.
Even if a woman doesn’t share that passion, that’s not unusual and it shouldn’t hamper a relationship. Many men and women have separate interests and the way that you make a relationship work is by finding common ground. Out of all of the things that you like to do, there will be something that is a common interest and it’s your job to find out what it is by asking the right kind of questions:
- 1) How do you feel about wildlife?
- 2) How do you feel about global warming?
- 3) What’s your view on the state of the country?
- 4) How would you spend a dream evening?
Of course, you can ask questions, but it’s like an equation. You and the lady are strangers. The fastest route to becoming more than strangers is to get to know about her. By asking questions, you can eliminate things that she isn’t interested in during your conversation and find out what makes her tick. You would be surprised at how many women have similar interests to you but don’t overwhelm her if you find that common thread.
She may like something, or she may have views on something, but there is such a thing as overkill and shy people are known to overcompensate for their shyness by showing too much enthusiasm. Share time but listen and be ready to answer her questions when they are voiced instead of assuming that the subjects you have brought up are the only ones you can talk about.
Saying Hi for the First Time
Saying hello can be the most difficult thing for someone who is shy. However, you have to ask yourself what the worst-case scenario is. The problem is that you feel tongue-tied and tend to overthink things. Close your eyes for a moment and breathe. You need deep breathing to clear your mind of all of this junk that may be stopping you from saying a simple “Hello.” Now, for a moment, see this girl as if she is your sister or a female relative that you can relate to. Walk over and say “Hi” but you need to do more than that to pique her interest.
If she says “Hi” back, you will be worried about what to say next. Remember, it’s you who keeps asking, “Why am I socially awkward?” No one else is asking that, so she doesn’t know that you have problems. Thus, you need an opener that isn’t corny and that fits the situation. If you are in a bar, for example, you could ask her if she will let you buy her a drink. A woman usually sees that as a potential pick up line and if she is willing to get to know you better, she will reply that yes, she’ll allow you to buy her a drink. If, however, she is already in a relationship, she may shun you, so be prepared for this. It doesn’t mean that you have any social inadequacy. It just means that she is already spoken for.
Let’s look at some openers that you can use in different circumstances:
|After a movie||Did you enjoy the film? Keep it simple|
|In a coffee shop||Is this seat taken? You mean that you would like to sit with her but are distancing yourself a little by being polite|
|When you see she is deep in thought||A penny for your thoughts
Shows that you have an interest in her and that you care about what she is thinking about.
|When she is carrying heavy bags||Hi, Can I help you with those?|
|When you are in a crowd at a party||Hello, my name is ……. I saw you from across the room and thought I would say “Hi”|
|At the bus stop||Hello, my name is ………. Since we travel the same way each day, I thought I would introduce myself.|
|In a crowd of friends at a party||Hello, can I refresh your glass?
Only say it if her glass is empty
|When you meet her in town||Hello pretty lady. I noticed you and thought I would say hello|
These are simple introductions, but I know that you will be overthinking them. Don’t do that. Breathe and then move forward and simply speak to the girl or woman as if she is someone you are familiar with, just to get you over that bridge to her side of the river. She isn’t expecting to be talked to by a stranger, and these are icebreakers that are very good to introduce yourself to her that don’t overwhelm her. Remember, she may be socially awkward too.
Dealing with Socially Awkward Women
Believe it or not, you may not be the only person in the room who is asking themselves, “Why am I socially awkward?” She may be too and there are signs that you can look for when you meet a woman for the first time. Does she sit alone away from the main party? Does she hide behind the covers of a book? – A potential icebreaker for you if you know the book. Does she seem socially awkward and a little out of her depths in the company you both have in common?
If you feel that she does, then there’s nothing wrong with telling her that you are not too good in social situations and perhaps she would like to take a walk with you. She may be glad to get away from the party. You may just be doing her a favor by suggesting an alternative to an awkward situation for her.
Dealing with Women who are with their Friends
Don’t be too keen to make a fool of yourself by showing an interest in her while she is surrounded by people. The problem with this case scenario is that it can damage your psyche to be made fun of by other people in that situation. Instead of doing that, wait until she has a moment alone and then approach her. The best thing here is that you have time to get over the jitters, but you mustn’t appear to pounce.
Take your time and casually approach, telling her that you noticed her from across the room and wondered if she would be interested in going out sometime. The reason you use words like “sometime” is that you are not coming over as desperate. It’s casual and it’s acceptable to her to know that you feel that she is a potential date, rather than someone you can pounce on as soon as she finds herself alone. That may scare her if she is also timid.
What about the girl you see regularly but have never spoken to?
There’s a very good way to introduce yourself to the girl you have seen every day but have been too timid to ask. Women love romanticism. What better way to ask a colleague out than to send a single rose or even a small bouquet of wildflowers with a note that isn’t too committal but that shows that you are interested.
“To the girl I see every day and would love to talk to” could be a nice message for a girl to read. You may find that if you see her receive the flowers, she will be looking around to see who sent them. If this happens, then all that you need is a sincere look in your eyes – instead of puppy dog eyes that look desperate – and a warmhearted smile.
Things Women look for in a Man
You have to understand that women look for different things to their male counterparts. If you have an idea of what women seek, this helps you to be sure to hit the target. The way to think about it is to understand the difference between the thinking processes of men and women. Men are more practical hands on type of people, while women are more sentimental and allow their emotions to rule a lot of their actions. Therefore, what women seek in men can be among the list shown here:
- Clean cut and able to look after themselves
- Happy and confident
- Respectful and polite
- Having eyes that focus on them
- Great body language
- Sincerity and truth
Men, on the other hand, tend to look for physical things. They are the hunters and that’s a normal reaction. You may find yourself attracted to the shape of a woman, the hairstyle, or the deep tan. You may even find yourself attracted to someone because of the way that they dress. Men like to imagine being with a woman so they can proudly show off as being their partner or their date, while women tend to look for much more subtle things.
If you can prepare yourself so that you look nice, smell nice (but not overdo it) and look like someone who looks after himself, this tells a girl a whole heap about your character. If you care about the way you look (but not to the point of vanity), she will notice your stance and your body language. Respect is something she will notice too. Did you clean your shoes? Is your hair neat and tidy? If you respect yourself, then you are likely to appreciate her, and a lot of women seek that respect in this day and age.
Believe it or not, the shy man has a lot of characteristics that women are attracted to already because of the caring and nurturing nature of the female sex. If you read through this article again, you can find your comfort levels and learn not to let shyness stand in the way of being socially comfortable. It works when you practice it often and you emerge as the true person you are.